


It'll Burn You Alive

by truelyesoteric



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, M/M, Secret Relationship, season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 16:38:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1695200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truelyesoteric/pseuds/truelyesoteric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always Tuesdays. Andrew’s funeral was on a Tuesday. It was the first Tuesday in years that they didn’t know how it would end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It'll Burn You Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I am in the middle of watching two seasons of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD and I CANNOT see anything but Severide/Casey. Why is there not more fic?

It was always Tuesdays.

Hallie worked on Tuesdays and nobody noticed if Severide didn’t pick up a girl on Tuesdays. They were always the last ones there on Tuesdays. It was unspoken, it was quiet, and it was unnoticed.

Last beer would be finished, tab would be paid; they would spin off their stools. Severide would crack his neck, Casey would pull out his keys, and they would walk out of wherever they were. The keys would jingle and their footsteps would sound, but it was always quiet. There were never any words about what it was they were doing.

Until Casey’s front door was closed. Then there were noises, the moan as Severide’s stubble would rasp down the smooth skin of Matt’s stomach. There were hoarse whispers of ‘yes’ and ‘there’ and ‘more’ and ‘harder’. There were colorful phrases and unintelligible words.

They didn’t talk about their day jobs in the night, and their nights weren’t general conversation in the firehouse.

**

Andrew’s funeral was on a Tuesday.

It was the first Tuesday in years that they didn’t know how it would end.

They sat in the church, hate billowing between them in the place that Andrew had once stood. They couldn’t look at each other, blame coiling in the connection they had. 

At the end of the night, after the miserable firefighter’s drunken funeral they were the last to leave, but this time the sync was gone and the silent understanding had evaporated. 

They looked at each other.

They had fucked each other senseless every Tuesday for two years, but this was the first time they really looked at each other. Creatures of the day and the night; they were firemen, they were men, but this was the first time they were both of those things.

They saw in each other everything. They didn’t even make it home. They stood in the hotel lobby tension between them. They weren’t even trying to hide the fact that they were together in a shady motel. They stood, arms crossed, the clerk wisely said nothing as they paid in cash.

The door wasn’t even closed before Severide was pushing Casey up against the wall, tearing at his clothes.

“He has kids a family,” Casey said pushing Severide on the bed, covering his body, pushing it into the mattress. Severide’s hand came up and pulled Casey’s mouth to his. It was hard and fast and then Severide bit down on Casey’s lip.

Casey moaned and Severide flipped them over, his fingers making quick work of what came so naturally.

“It should have been you then,” Severide rasped as he pushed into Casey.

He braced himself and Casey arched into him. 

“Fuck you,” Casey said.

“I’m trying,” Severide said going at a bruising rhythm.

“We’re supposed to take care of each other,” Casey said, fingers digging into Severide’s shoulders.

Severide’s hand went between the two of them. “I’m trying.”

Casey’s toes curled in the natty sheets, looking for purchase to push closer into Severide. They needed release on the edge of pain; it was the only thing that could break through.

If there were tears on their cheeks as their breathing became labored they would never say. Their kisses were grinding of mouths.

Casey threw his head back as he came. When he opened his eyes he saw Severide watching him. Severide’s eyes were wide open and curious. It was a softness in a world that didn’t seem to warrant that any more.

Casey stared back, wide eyed.

“It should have been me,” Severide said.

Casey reached up. “But it wasn’t.”

Severide pulled away and grabbed blindly for the clothing that had been strewn on the floor. Casey watched him from the bed.

“You’re careless,” Casey said, voice breaking a little.

Severide shrugged. “I care about myself.”

“Heartless asshole,” Casey said, fire returning to his voice.

Severide put on his shirt and looked at Casey. “At least I’m not claiming to love someone and fucking someone else like a dirty little secret.”

They stood there for a minute as the world stopped. In all their time they had never said it out loud. Now, their sin was named, it lay there between them like a fire they couldn’t put out.

“Don’t preach morality at me,” Severide said. “I know where your dick has been. I’m not the one doing anything wrong.”

He left Casey there on the bed.

**

Casey slipped behind his mask and Severide found a new bad habit. The pills numbed everything, the only time that he felt it - felt anything was when he was pushing Casey beyond calm rationality. He liked pushing the buttons, he liked fixing disasters. Every time he pulled someone from death it felt like a reprieve. Every time he saved Casey it felt like there was still that thing there, the reason that every Tuesday they would close the bar and be their own after party.

Now every Tuesday it was pills and booze in the safety of his own apartment. Shay thought something was up, but they didn’t do over involvement. He was left in peace. Peace and numbness.

Hallie’s funeral wasn’t on a Tuesday, it was the day after. The day before Severide ran into Casey at the lockers. They were alone.

Casey was looking deep into the lockers, hyperaware of Severide.

“Keep walking, I can’t even look at you,” Casey said.

“I didn’t do anything,” Severide said, a little bit of venerability creeping into his voice.

Casey violently slammed his locker closed and looked full on at Severide. 

“You didn’t say no,” Casey accused.

Severide never has been that good at words, so he was shocked to find ‘because I have a million pieces of shit to deal with and you’ve never been anything I’ve had to deal with, we just are’ on the tip of his tongue. The shock pauses the words and Casey is gone before he could say them.  
**

Severide stopped the pills, fixed his shoulder, and quietly mourned the loss of two kids that would never call him dad. Everyday was one disaster after another and he missed the peace of Tuesdays, time when he didn’t have to be anything but skin against Casey. He’d tried other skin, but his head didn’t shut off.

**

Casey sat against the door, it was hot and the sweat was pooling along his neck. Severide sat on the other side of the bathroom, a kid life literally being held together by one of his hands in a bloody chest.

They were waiting for their men to find a way to get to the window. The fire was snapping and they knew they didn’t have much time left.

It was quiet, they were quiet in the midst of flames and adrenaline and pending death.

“You’re simple,” Casey said, staring at the wall.

“Thanks,” Severide said sarcastically staring at the ceiling.

“If you were a complication I’d get it,” Casey said. “But you never were. “

Severide looked at Casey, the door was pounding a little bit. There were screams outside and the kid in his arms was whimpering.

“So if I made a little more noise, I’d be a little more important?” Severide said.

“You want kids and someone who gets you and the job you do,” Casey said, summing up Severide in a sentence. “The rest doesn’t matter.”

“The rest is the only thing that matters,” Severide said.

They held eye contact.

Their guys busted through the window and they sprung into action. The kid was the most important. Getting themselves away from the fire was the second. Seventy minutes later they were packing up, the kid already at the hospital.

“Severide.”

He turned to see Casey coming over. 

“I know, Kelly. I get it,” Casey said leaning in.

Severide thought for a moment. “Its Tuesday. My place, eight. Bring tequila.”

Casey looked like a deer in headlights.

Severide walked away. Casey would be there or he wouldn’t. Severide didn’t know which one he really wanted.

**

Severide was a liar. At quarter till eight he was a mess. He wanted Casey there. He was 100% sure of that fact.

At five till there was a knock at the door.

He rushed to it, there was no pride left in him. He threw it open.

Casey held up a bottle of Patron and smiled. “Hey.”

Severide grabbed him by the back of the neck, pulling him into the apartment, lips first.

The Patron ended up on the table, they ended up in Severide’s bed, their clothes were littered between.

**

Casey woke up, Severide at his back, arm pinning him. Casey didn’t know what he was supposed to do. They didn’t do mornings after.

“Close your eyes, sleep an hour more and I will make you coffee,” Severide’s voice came, rumbling over the nape of Casey’s neck.

Casey shivered, he could feel muscles flexing at his back.

“Okay, option two involves a shower,” Severide said, flipping Casey over so they were chest to chest.

“Will you be in that shower?” Casey asked.

Severide gave him an incredulous look.

Casey chose option two.

**

He had imagined such things to be true, but Kelly Severide on his knees in the shower was by far and away the best way to begin every day. He had no idea how loud he was being, but he didn’t care.

“Some of us are trying to sleep,” Shay yelled through the door, banging on it. “And if you break another shower head you are paying for it.”

Casey felt laughter bubbling up, he wasn’t the hysterical type, but he couldn’t stop. Severide pulled off with a pop.

“Busted,” he whispered.

Casey ran his hand through Severide’s hair.

“Let’s be busted,” Casey said.

“After,” Severide said moving back down.

**

Severide came into the kitchen and rustled for a cup of coffee. He pulled down two mugs and then poured a cup for him and was looking for bowls and cereal. He didn’t even realize he was whistling.

“Sounds like someone got real lucky in the shower,” Shay said, looking over her cup of coffee.

Casey came in and grabbed the second cup of coffee. “Lucky them.”

Shay looked at their matching wet hair and smiles on their faces. She looked over her shoulder at the pieces of clothing that were still on the floor. She slowly turned to look back at them, her eyes wide.

“New bonding approach that Boden ordered?” Shay said.

“Yeah, Mouch and Otis are next,” Severide said.

Shay cringed and Casey laughed.

“Your floozy looks like this guy I know,” Shay said. “Except this one smiles.”

Severide raised an eyebrow and hid his grin behind his coffee cup.

“Severide said I could steal your yogurt,” Casey said, moving to the fridge.

“I’m going to kill you both,” Shay said, jumping up. Severide grabbed her by the waist and spun her around. She hit at him.

“Where is your hospitality?” Casey said, leaning against the counter.

“I knew it,” Shay said, beating on Severide. “Not that I knew it, but I’m not surprised.”

Severide put her down, she looked at the unopened bottle of Petron on the counter. 

“You weren’t even drunk?” she muttered.

“We stay out of each other’s business,” Severide said at the same time that Casey said. “Not a bit.”

They looked at each other, transmitting a whole conversation with minute facial gestures.

“You gonna be here again?” Shay asked going to the fridge and handing Casey a yogurt. “Cause I need to know how many I should get next time I am at the store.”

Casey looked over at Severide. He raised his eyebrows. 

“Might want to double up, Shay,” Severide said.

Shay shook her head and went back upstairs. “Pick up your clothes.”

Casey leaned against the counter and Severide got up in his space.

“We have today off,” Severide said. “Got plans?”

Casey nodded. “Pretty sure I do now.”

It was Wednesday and tomorrow was Thursday and there were going to be many days to follow.


End file.
